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30-Day Signal Audit
Use this when one affectionate message, silence, apology, cancellation, or good weekend keeps changing your entire interpretation of the relationship.
The goal is not to prove someone else's motive. The goal is to stop grading every signal separately and see what pattern the collection creates.
1. Pick the window
Start date
End date
2. Log only observable signals
Do not write “loving,” “cold,” “avoidant,” “confusing,” or “breadcrumbing.” Write what happened.
Calls / messages / initiation
Plans / cancellations / follow-through
Silence / distance / reconnection
Repair / promises / actual movement
3. Separate known from unknown
KNOWN - what can I verify from behavior?
UNKNOWN - what am I still trying to solve about feelings, motives, fear, intent, or the future?
4. Name the pattern
Read the list as if it belonged to somebody you did not know. What pattern does the collection create?
5. Decide access
How much access do I want to give this pattern?
Consider time, attention, availability, planning, emotional access, physical access, reliance, future planning, response speed, and expectation.
6. Choose one next action
What is one next action I control that fits the pattern I can actually observe?
KNOWNUNKNOWNPATTERNBOUNDARYNEXT ACTION
Educational decision support only. Not therapy, diagnosis, crisis care, or legal advice.